Letters from the Womb: Episode 3 – Me and the “Stewie Griffen Co.”
Mom,
I write this letter with all due respect. I appreciate the fact that you have carried me for the last 35 weeks, and I realize you love me enough to never let me go, however; I don’t have room to stretch anymore! It’s driving me crazy, like when you go to a movie and all the good seats are taken and you have to sit next to some fat man who smells of Parsley and your chair is broken. It’s just generally uncomfortable, and makes you a bit sqeamish. That is how I feel.
Now, like I said, not to be disrespectful as I am sure you feel you know what you are doing and all… but I am also getting frustrated with the fact that you are COMPLETELY ignoring my efforts to escape… I mean… well yes, escape.
I push and twist and kick and punch and there seems to be no progress being made at all. I keep thinking I will eventually make a crack or dent and be able to work my way to the surface, but my quarters just keep getting smaller. I am fairley certain that capital punishment is just illegal in the womb as it is in 16 states, I feel as though you are slowly trying to suffocate me, this just will not do. I am warning you, I will get out BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! I have mail ordered an escape kit from this boy. 
It will arrive in a plain manilla envelope marked “Stewie Griffen Co.” When it arrives, please swallow it.